I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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