I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
