So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
