dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
