I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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