She is in my trunk
It's Friday. Sex?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
