Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize