no, he came in my armpit
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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