You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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