ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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