he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Even my vagina gasped.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize