Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A+ Viking dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
