Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
