i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
