problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
