You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
