My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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