So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
