Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
