the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You pole danced in your parka.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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