I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
