Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
