Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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