There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
