If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
