Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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