we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
