Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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