It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
