the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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