omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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