remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize