im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
