I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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