it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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