Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
nutella sex= disaster
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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