Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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