What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
