Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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