I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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