just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
