every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
