420 ftw
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
