my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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