So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
