Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
