you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
