i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
