Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
