sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize