Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
