Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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