It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
