You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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