I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
