I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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