I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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