We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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