I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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