he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
