perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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