my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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