as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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