You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
