My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize