worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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