I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am naked and annoyed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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