So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
