well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
