My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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