I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
