Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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