90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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