dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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