I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she told me i tasted like america
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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