when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
