did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was CRYING into my vagina
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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