Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
