He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize