Im at strip club and am horny
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
