My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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