He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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