Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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