I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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