R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize